JANA HOCKING: The REAL reason women can’t stand the ‘nice guy’

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That’s how often I have guys whining in my DMs about women not liking the “nice guy.” They say they treat women with the utmost respect and they walk everywhere.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, wondering why us women aren’t instantly attracted to what’s considered the “nice guy.” I mean, as someone who struggles to settle myself, I’ve found myself banging my head against a wall because I just can’t find a spark with guys who fit this category.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I had to send another “It’s not you, I’m” text that I had a revelation. It’s not that we don’t like the “nice guy,” it’s that we don’t like the “always available” guy.

The most attractive man is someone who has his own thing, says Jana Hocking

The most attractive man is someone who has his own thing, says Jana Hocking

You know what I mean, he’s the guy who cancels plans with his ailing grandma to come see you. He agrees with everything you say and always wants to please you. This all sounds great if you’ve been chasing unattainable men for far too long, but the thing is… they lack bravado. They’re not nice – they’re just thirsty.

To me, the most attractive man is one who has his own thing. Sometimes they can’t see you because they are busy. They have obligations, hobbies… a life.

A friend recently asked me to describe my dream man, and the first thing that came to mind was “a boss!” Not my boss, dear Lord, I would really like to keep my job, thank you very much! But someone who has all those qualities in him. They have aims, goals, confidence, are good at steering the ship and are not afraid to challenge you.

The most exciting conversations I’ve had on dates usually involve some good solid debate. Seriously, there’s nothing more attractive than a guy challenging you on something you’ve said or challenging you to look at something in a new light.

It was completely boring to have recently been on a date with a guy who just agreed with everything I said.

The same can be said for women. The book ‘Why men love bitches’ was a number one bestseller for a reason. Don’t let the name fool you, it doesn’t mean men like women who are horrible to them, it means they like women who have dignity, confidence and self worth. It’s because men are attracted to women who don’t take BS. Which, too many retarded thinkers, could be classed as “bitchy.”

If you think you've been too nice in your relationship, back off right away, says Jana Hocking

If you think you’ve been too nice in your relationship, back off right away, says Jana Hocking

As someone who’s been on both sides of the fence, I can say I’ve had more success if I wasn’t swooning over the whole dude like a puppy dog. It’s when I was busy with work or having a great night out with friends.

You look at the most interesting couples in the public eye, think George and Amal Clooney, Barack and Michelle Obama, Jay Z and Beyonce. What do they all have in common? They are wildly independent, they have their own projects and careers, yet they are united. It’s kinda sexy, isn’t it?

So the next time you’re soaking because you feel like you’ve given it your all in a relationship and been treated like a doormat, think about it. Was it because you gave up your own self-esteem to please them? Were you too available? I hate to say it… but maybe you’re the reason you got dumped.

George and Amal Clooney both have their own successful careers and ongoing projects

George and Amal Clooney both have their own successful careers and ongoing projects

Fortunately there is a solution, all is not lost dear reader. If you think you’ve been too nice in your relationship, back off right away. If they’re used to you being served at their beck and call, they’ll get a huge shock if you’re too busy to come running.

This isn’t about playing games, it’s about finding yourself again and making sure this person doesn’t become your whole world, just a nice added value. It will not only do wonders for your relationship, but also for your self-esteem.