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CMT host Cody Allan hid homosexuality for years while living as a married Mormon father

CMT presenter Cody Alan has shared how he prayed for years to be straight while hiding his homosexuality – and how he feared God would hate him if he came out as gay.

Cody, 48, knew he was gay from a young age but grew up as a Christian and converted to Mormonism as a teenager.

They had two children, now adults, who were also raised Mormons.

But after he came out to his now ex-wife in 2009 – and publicly in 2017, Cody . tells us People that his life had ‘improved’, and he realized that the world is not ‘black and white’.

Candid: CMT host Cody Alan is candid about how he spent years praying to be straight while hiding his homosexuality

Candid: CMT host Cody Alan is candid about how he spent years praying to be straight while hiding his homosexuality

Flashback: Cody, 48, knew he was gay from a young age but grew up as a Christian and converted to Mormonism as a teenager (pictured on a mission)

Flashback: Cody, 48, knew he was gay from a young age but grew up as a Christian and converted to Mormonism as a teenager (pictured on a mission)

Flashback: Cody, 48, knew he was gay from a young age but grew up as a Christian and converted to Mormonism as a teenager (pictured on a mission)

Cody grew up in Columbia, South Carolina, and joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a teenager.

The church has historically taken a tough stance against homosexuality, going so far as to label same-sex couples as apostates, or those who have left the religion, in 2015.

That meant their children couldn’t be baptized until they reached adulthood — with special permission in which they rejected same-sex marriage just like their parents’.

The church has since rolled back that decision, declaring that same-sex attraction is not a sin—although, they clarified, acting upon it is certain. They encouraged members who “feel same-sex attraction” to “obey the law of chastity.”

So Cody no doubt had a hard time being taught that homosexuality was wrong, and it took him a while to hide that he was gay.

“I struggled with my sexuality from a very young age,” he said in a 2017 People interview. “I remember having clear feelings early on in my life. I knew this about myself, and I found it very difficult to deal with. I was so ashamed of who I was.

Tough: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has historically taken a tough stance against homosexuality

Tough: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has historically taken a tough stance against homosexuality

Tough: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has historically taken a tough stance against homosexuality

“I struggled with my sexuality from a very young age,” he said (pictured at age 15)

After marrying a fellow Mormon because it was what he “should” do, he had two children, now 23 and 19, whom he raised Mormons (pictured)

“If you live a ‘tight’ life for most of your adult life, you learn to be like that and kind of fake it,” he said.

He even married a woman named Terresa, and together they raised their two children, Makayla, now 23, and Landon, now 19, as Mormons.

Cody said he felt like getting married was what he “should be doing,” and hoped it would somehow make him straight.

But in 2009, Cody came to Terresa as gay, realizing it wasn’t “fair” for her to keep the relationship going, so the two broke up.

He also came to his children and recalled that he was “afraid” – but his children showed “total acceptance” and understanding.

“My kids took it much better than I expected,” he said said. “And since then I think they love the father more now than they did before, because the father is a lot happier now and he is much more real. And they know that they can be real and open and honest and authentic themselves.’

After coming out to his now ex-wife in 2009, they divorced and he has been with his now fiancée, Michael 'Trea' Smith, 29, since 2015.

After coming out to his now ex-wife in 2009, they divorced and he has been with his now fiancée, Michael 'Trea' Smith, 29, since 2015.

After coming out to his now ex-wife in 2009, they divorced and he has been with his now fiancée, Michael ‘Trea’ Smith, 29, since 2015.

“I wanted to share this part of my life, but I’ve gotten to the point where it just feels right, and I’m at peace with where I am enough to express it,” he said.

Cody also decided to leave the church.

“There are reasons why I stayed with the church for so long, but in the end the prayers were not answered to set me on the right path—it doesn’t work that way,” he said.

“It took me a while to understand that because I wanted so badly to do what I thought God wanted. I always thought if I got out, if I was myself, God would hate me.’

He continued to come out to other people he knew, including Keith Urban, who responded with “compassion, love and acceptance.”

“When I came out, I realized I was still loved just as much, and my life had improved,” Cody said.

“I think if you grow up religious, like me, there’s a way you’ve learned right and wrong — everything is black and white, it’s somehow,” Cody said.

“And the truth is, especially when it comes to sexuality, there are many shades, and understanding that I did that later in life really helped me, because I understood that we’re obviously all different.”

Cody gushed about “the co-parenting we’ve done” and “the amazing, genuine, modern family we’ve been able to create,” with a “base of love” and a desire to make sure their kids always felt loved

“It took a while to get there, but we’re on the other side and it’s pretty good,” he said. ‘I am happy with where we are’

New Book: He Shares More Details in His New Memoir, Hear's The Thing

New Book: He Shares More Details in His New Memoir, Hear's The Thing

New Book: He Shares More Details in His New Memoir, Hear’s The Thing

In 2017, Cody came out publicly to People, told the magazine: “Although my TV or my radio character was always that of a happy man, there was an underlying pain in me for years, so I decided whether I would do something about it, or live with this layer of misery beneath that happy face on the TV.

“When I realized it was okay to accept the truth, that it wasn’t my choice, it was a lot easier to figure out where to go with my life.

“I wanted to share this part of my life, but I’ve gotten to the point where it just feels right, and I’m at peace with where I am enough to express it,” he said.

He has been with his now fiancée, Michael ‘Trea’ Smith, 29, since 2015, and said he gets along well with his ex-wife and her boyfriend.

Cody gushed about “the co-parenting we’ve done” and “the amazing, genuine, modern family we’ve been able to create,” with a “base of love” and a desire to make sure their kids always felt loved .

“It took a while to get there, but we’re on the other side and it’s pretty good,” he said. “I’m happy with where we are.”

He shares more details in his new memoir, Hear’s The Thing.

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